Hey everyone, long time no chit-chat.
About three months before Fanime, my grandmother got very, very ill. I thought I was going to lose her for about the fourth time, and had to dedicate my time and effort to taking care of her to the point where I was going three or four days without sleep, or food. When the crisis was over, I came back to a lot of messages full of hate, dislike, and rumors I had ditched out on the plans for Fanime. Everyone who talked about me on the public forums, or helped to aide the rumors I gave up on. A lot of people also said, 'We have other plans for Fanime since Ginga's not around', so I let them keep those plans.
I guessed that in the three months time, my grandmother would either recover or she wouldn't but either way I would be back in the circuit within a month, and I was. There were two room leaders who hadn't sent me either 20+ messages, cussing me out for not responding after the first few times when I informed people my grandma was ill and I would get back to them as quickly as I could when my real life stuff was done.
I had different items to give away at Fanime, items I'd gotten for people on the list I just gave up on and I did give them away. I had a blanket corner at a friend's section in the Fanime Swap Meet and it was a lot of fun to see the looks on the faces of new fans who just walked away with a new wig, some brand name lolita, new shoes, headbands, swords, fans, or pre-sized cosplays. They were really happy to get a 50 dollar wig for 15 bucks in a never opened package, or never worn lolita clothes.
I even got to see one of the new lolita's the next day, wearing the outfit! She was uber cute too. ^^
But that aside, I just... quit. I wanted to thank the two room leaders who did last throughout the difficult time, even for just swinging by and cheering me up, you know, spending the time to come out to see me when I was troubled like I'd done a lot for everyone else? Hell, one of the room leaders just wrote me something asking the following:
'I know you said you'd be back in a while, but I'm just worried about you. Are you okay?'
Nope. I wasn't okay during that time, for the 5th time in my life I thought I was going to watch my grandmother die. I was a mess, and when one of the room leaders visited with friends, I bruised along my laugh lines because for the first time in... I dunno, a little over a month, I was smiling and laughing with them.
The funds for the Contests that I was running are still there, but they won't be used. They were my contests, and honestly I liked how I was doing when the contest entries before, and I totally agreed with Kori.
That's another thing, whoever went and hacked into Kori's account, fuck you. Just from the deepest part of my heart, fuck you.
Childish drama, the he-said, she-said crap, the 'your real life needs aren't as important as my convention needs' bullshit, and a whoole lot of other BS have made me say this:
Screw you guys, I'm done.
I've got a REAL job where I make bank, I don't need to waste it to keep people happy. I've been working hard my whole life, and I'm tired of working towards goals, planning out the fun (even just a little bit) and getting it thrown in my face. I'm done with being a wallet, and yes, I know I offer commissions out a lot, but in the past two years I have NEVER been so disappointed with the commissions I've received. They either aren't finished, or look nothing like the character is supposed to, and still when I was receiving them I swallowed my anger and said: Yeah! They're great!
I did that because if I didn't, it would have created even more pointless drama. All in all, I got sick of paying for what everyone thought was perfection, and I found it to be crap.
I wanted to thank the people who stuck to their words, and for the ones who owe room fees from past cons, still talk about me like I'm involved in their lives at all, grow up.
I haven't talked to some of you in over a year, and still you talk about me to where people I AM friends with still, hear about it and tell me about it. I laugh, because if I am THAT important that you can't forget about me in a year, than damn I'm something special. The people who talk about me still, who I don't talk to, let it go. It's over, I don't talk to you, so why talk about me? Am I really that great a subject?
Mind you lot, that's directed at.... 44+ people? xD
All in all, I just wanted to say the following:
Thanks to those who were true, but it's a pity you're only a fair few.
To those in my past, I'm glad you didn't make it to my future, so thank you for your time, but you are not in my mind until I get annoyed to the point where I just roll my eyes, and move on to a new topic with the people I do hang out with... but you? You can't forget about me... Guess I should feel honored.
-Your local Super-bitch,